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  “I am not a dog”, he said, “I have a right to live and the Jewish people have a right to exist on earth."

  It was a ridiculous statement but unfortunately vom Rath had died and now everyone was calling for revenge. Minister Goebbels delivered a speech urging us all to take to the streets. Our superiors called a meeting later in the day and informed us that Obergruppenführer Heydrich had issued an order demanding street demonstrations against Jewish businesses. He stated that during the demonstrations, business establishments and homes of Jews could be destroyed but not looted and that German life and property should not be jeopardized. There would be as many arrests as the jails could hold but there must not be any physical assaults especially on foreigners. Synagogues were to be attacked and even burnt but all documentation must be removed beforehand and sent to the security service. The message was clear. Jews would have to pay for vom Rath’s death. I was told to report to my Hitler-Jugend corps that evening.

  At dinner I discussed the forth-coming events with Leni and mother. Leni was concerned that I might be hurt and urged me not to get too involved in the violence. Mother on the other hand was more reserved.

  “Do you have to go Ralf? Can you not just let the others do it? You have a good job and a family to consider.”

  I assured them both I wasn’t going to do anything heroic. No-one would be hurt. To be honest, I wasn’t telling them the whole truth. I was looking forward to meeting some of my old friends again; people like Reinhardt whom I’d heard was an officer in the SA but more especially Jurgen who I’d not seen since mother’s party. She had told me a few months back he was now an officer in the Schutzstaffel and I had learned recently he was back on leave from the Konzentrationslager at Dachau.

  I had been told to dress my corps in civilian clothes so as not to give the impression that this was solely a paramilitary attack, more a spontaneous outburst of indignation. We assembled in Potsdamerplatz and there I spotted Reinhardt. The attack had already begun and large crowds were smashing many windows. He was directing some of his subordinates to paint slogans on the wall of a bread shop owned by a Jew called Dreifuss. We embraced warmly.

  “Ralf, it’s great to see you again. How have you been? I heard you married Leni and worked behind a desk now. Some of the boys are calling you the Marriage Councillor.”

  I laughed and ordered my corps to help with the painting.

  “I have to say you’re looking well Reinhardt. You’ve come up in the world.”

  “It’s just a stepping stone Ralf. Next year I’m moving on to the real thing, the Schutzstaffel.”

  “Talking about Schutzstaffel, I’m looking for a guy called Jurgen. I met him a few years back at one of my mother’s parties.”

  “Not Jurgen Groer?”

  “Yes, that’s him.”

  “You know Jurgen Groer? He’s a legend Ralf. He’s at Alexanderplatz, gave a speech earlier that had my boys chomping at the bit; go on up if you want, I’ll look after your lads.”

  I was about to take Reinhardt up on his offer when I recognised one of his SA men.

  “That’s not that Otto Becker is it?”

  Reinhardt laughed loudly. “I’m afraid so Ralf. We had to give him something to do.”

  “Well God help you and any Jews you find tonight. He’ll probably bore them to death.”

  To my annoyance, Reinhardt shouted over at Becker, “Otto, there’s an old friend of yours here.” Otto turned and seemed surprised to see me. His uniform was too small and he looked even fatter than when I last saw him. He came and joined us.

  “Otto knows where Jurgen is. He’ll take you up.” Reinhardt explained.

  Otto led me off towards Alexanderplatz. We didn’t say much to each other. The sound of breaking glass was everywhere punctuated with screams and cries. SA gangs were attacking shops that didn’t even look Jewish and looting seemed to be widespread despite the directive from Heydrich. Occasionally Otto would shout encouragement, “Get those fucking Jews out of our country.” and “Slaughter the Yids!” It went on and on. We came across one group who had surrounded two old men who looked like Rabbi’s. Both were pushed to the ground and some of the group were urinating on them.

  “I need a piss” Otto declared and went to join them. The old men tried to escape but were met with kicks and spits. We found another group with three women. Some were trying to rip off their clothes, urged on by their comrades. Otto was even more enthusiastic about joining this group but fortunately an officer appeared and put an end to it. He told the women to go indoors if they valued their lives. As we moved on I looked back and saw some of the boys following the women into their home. We eventually reached Alexanderplatz and Otto pointed towards a small group standing on the back of a lorry.

  “He’s over there”, he said before running back the way we had come. I was glad to see the back of him and approached the truck delighted to see Jurgen dressed immaculately in his black uniform. I called his name. He looked at me.

  “It’s Ralf Hartman”, I shouted, “We met a few years ago at my mother’s house”.

  Jurgen smiled, jumped down and gave me a pleasant hug.

  “Of course I remember you Ralf. How could I forget?”

  “This is some evening! Who would have thought, eh?”

  Jurgen offered me a cigarette. I didn’t smoke but took it anyway.

  “This is the start of it Ralf. All those years of preparation and discussion have finally come to an end. Now we have action. We will rid our country of undesirables and then turn our attention to Europe. By the time we have finished our race will have fulfilled its destiny and those that sought to destroy us will have been consigned to history. A thousand years of stability and purity is what we can look forward to Ralf.”

  I loved his passion but I was struggling to smoke the cigarette and coughing badly.

  “You don’t smoke, do you? Jurgen laughed. How’s your mother?”

  I shook my head and tried to smile.

  “My mother”

  “Yes.”

  “She’s fine.”

  “Is she still singing?”

  “Yes, in Peer Gynt at the Main Opera house.”

  I stood for a while longer listening to him speaking about the Schutzstaffel, the training, the expectations and his obvious pride at having been selected to oversee what he referred to as “this important occasion”. To be honest, I was in awe of him and wanted to be just like him. Mother was also right. His uniform was glorious and dressed him in dignity and respect.

  When the attack finally ended, hundreds of shops lay burnt or ransacked. Synagogues were reduced to ashes. We had definitely made our point.

  “Our will is what is important Ralf”, Jurgen said, “It is who we are, our country, our hopes and desires.”

  He decided to accompany me home telling me he wished to see mother again. As we approached the apartment we could hear her singing Solveig’s Song from Peer Gynt. We stopped to listen. She really was a special singer. Her voice soared through the open window and drifted high above the city, high above the flames and the wreckage.

  The winter may pass and the spring disappear

  The spring disappear

  The summer too will vanish and then the year

  And then the year

  But this I know for certain: you'll come back again

  You'll come back again

  And even as I promised you'll find me waiting then

  You'll find me waiting then.

  Mother was surprised and delighted to see Jurgen. Leni too seemed impressed. He entertained us thoroughly as we ate supper, sharing tales of his exploits in Bavaria and exciting us with his passion and energy. Later as I lay in bed I heard him with my mother. Their lovemaking was anything but gentle.

  11.

  Prague

  Jurgen was right, Kristallnacht proved to be a catalyst for direct action against our enemies and for me personally his friendship with mother proved extremely useful. In September 1939 as a result
of his intervention I was transferred to the newly formed national security office and assigned to work in the Reich Criminal Police department dealing with non-political crimes of a serious nature such as rape, arson and murder though in reality I dealt mainly with Jews and those others deemed enemies of the state. Our army had invaded Poland after they refused our requests to create a corridor linking Germany with Danzig in East Prussia. However, Danzig was not our main objective. It was a matter of expanding our living space in the east and making our food supply secure. Furthermore, we already knew that Poland would always be on the side of our adversaries so there was no question of sparing them. As a result of our actions, Great Britain and France declared war on 3rd September.

  I was dedicated to my work. As a result I became more withdrawn from Leni. To my shame, she suffered from my behaviour which at times was intolerable. Often I didn’t come home for days without ever contacting her and when I did I was often bad tempered and critical. My mother was spending more time with Jurgen in Bavaria and Silke had decided to return to her home in Hamburg so Leni was alone a lot of the time. I tried to explain to her that everything had changed and she needed to accept that we all had to play our part in ensuring our national project succeeded. I wanted Resi to grow up in a strong Germany that would offer her many opportunities. She agreed but cautioned me regarding my commitment to her stating that the Fuhrer always stressed the importance of family life.

  Our marriage was severely tested in January 1940 when I was assigned to the office of SS-Obersturmbannführer Eichmann in Prague. I asked Leni to come with me but she declined. She wanted to be near her parents.

  “Turn it down”, she implored. I refused. Why should I not accept it? I justified my actions by reminding her that when the war ended I would be in a good position to develop a rewarding career, with a secure salary. We would be in a position to buy our own house, have more children and live a decent life. We were both National Socialists and as such were required to defend our principles.

  “I didn’t think it would be like this”, she said. “I loved the idea of a country of strong disciplined men protecting their women but everything seems to have gotten out of hand. This war is breaking up families, forcing our men to fight apart from their wives and children. And I cannot understand the Fuhrer’s obsession with Jews, Ralf. After Kristallnacht I began to doubt the genuineness of our cause. Jurgen frightened me with his idealism and his absolute certainty that the Fuhrer was always right but it was his hatred of Jews that frightened me the most.”

  “I don’t think he hates them”, I retorted. “He understands the necessity of removing them from German life…”

  “…he does hate them! He may have all the arguments rehearsed, all the political reasoning suitably articulated in passionate speeches but that is a façade behind which lies a deep hatred of Jews and anyone else who doesn’t conform to his precise ideals of purity and perfection.”

  Her words shocked me and I was at a loss as to what to say.

  “And you adore him”, she continued. “You adore his strength and determination which is commendable but I am now beginning to wonder if you too have this hatred. It seems to me that instead of spreading hope and joy among our nation, Herr Hitler is sowing revulsion and intolerance.”

  “For God’s sake Leni, don’t speak like that. People are being arrested for saying less.”

  “Listen to yourself Ralf. I’m your wife and we should be able to discuss these things. I am terrified that you will be unwittingly drawn into something awful, something you will regret for the rest of your life.”

  “You are being overdramatic Leni. I’m just a civil servant. I don’t actually do anything except fill in forms and file papers. I agree that Jurgen can appear scary when he talks and to tell the truth I’m not impressed with his relationship with my mother, but you must admit, he’s very charming and at times compelling.”

  “He is too compelling. Listen, you must do what you think is best. I will not accompany you to Prague and I will not live alone here with our daughter. I have decided to move back to my parents.”

  I was angry and driven to tell her she would do as she was told. She was a mother of the Fatherland and bound by certain moral and social duties. But I could not say anything. I merely slumped on the settee. She sat beside me and held my hand.

  “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you Ralf. Not with your beliefs or your dedication to the party but with you, your courage and your loyalty. You have a kind heart and are a good father to Leni but I want a husband who is near me Ralf. No-one will think any less of you if you do not go to Prague. You have no need to prove yourself to me or anyone else.”

  I was ashamed but could not acknowledge it. Instead I sought to defend myself against her honesty by creating valid reasons for wanting to leave. In truth I was bored, bored with the responsibility of married life and bored with the tedious nature of my job. I craved excitement and this drew me to people like Jurgen. And I loved having power, loved the control it offered me and knowing how my decisions affected other people’s lives. In the end I rejected her and went to Prague alone.

  Unlike Berlin, Prague is one of those cities that instantly tantalises. The Bohemian majesty of Wenceslas Square, Charles Bridge, the Castle and the medieval town of Hradcany are spectacular. I worked and lived at the SS barracks complex situated near the airport in Ruzyne. The first day I arrived it was obvious what was to happen. Prague and The Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia were to be Germanized and this meant the total expulsion of Jews. If I thought Jurgen was passionate and dedicated then I wasn’t prepared for SS-Obersturmbannführer Eichmann. He was devoted to Aryan ideology and his administrative skills were second to none. Our office dealt with Jewish emigration and to achieve our objectives we began to systematically isolate Jewish society from normal life. We began by promoting the idea of a central Jewish authority to facilitate our operations. In March we decreed that the Jewish Communities of the Protectorate were now answerable to the Jewish Religious Council of Prague, already established shortly after our occupation.

  We then began issuing a series of orders designed to force them to leave. They were excluded from the movie and theatre industries, restricted to travelling at the back of the second car on Prague trams and barred from all hotels. In April 1940 our government issued a comprehensive law banning Jews from public service and all social, cultural and economic organisations. Jewish doctors could still practice but only in the Jewish community. They were also ordered to report to the local police and have their identity papers stamped with a distinctive J and in August 1940 Jewish children were excluded from Czech schools. October 1940 saw Jews denied access to a wide range of rationed goods and banned from certain areas of Prague, including the Vltava embankment. In January 1941 their driving licences were confiscated and Jews were forced out of their apartments in the best areas of Prague, and moved into old tenements in the first, second and fifth districts of the city. That order served me best and in addition to receiving a promotion to Oberscharfuhrer I was assigned a beautiful apartment in Strackonicka, overlooking the Vitava River. It had previously belonged to a family called Hepner. It was really too large for me but I could now invite Lena and Resi to visit. Her stay with her parents had been short-lived. Mother had returned home when Jurgen was promoted and transferred to KZ Auschwitz in Southern Poland. She quickly persuaded Leni to return and even convinced Silke to leave Hamburg. It seemed like old times again and in the summer of 1941 they all joined me in Prague for two weeks. Resi was now four and she was delightful. We spent many sunny afternoons playing by the river and having Silke gave us free time in the evening. My Schutzstaffel rank entitled us to dine in the best restaurants and gain free admission to museums and galleries. Unfortunately most of the theatres were no longer open due to their insistence in showing what Obersturmbannführer Eichmann referred to as “degenerate muck”. Mother asked me about the Prague State Opera but I informed her it had now closed as we used it o
ccasionally for Party assemblies.

  Leni seemed happier though I was still wary of her and still angry that she had not come with me. She had written often and I had replied when time permitted. We were extremely busy now dealing with the re-settlement of Jews and this often involved long days. One night as we sat at dinner she remarked that I seemed to be drinking more. I was taken aback by her statement and without thinking became rude and abrasive.

  “For fuck’s sake woman, you seem to be obsessed with finding fault with me.”

  Mother immediately rebuked me and I apologised.

  “She is not finding fault with you Ralf. She cares about you.”

  It didn’t seem like that and I spent the rest of the evening very conscious about the amount of wine I drank. I tried to explain to them that my work affected me at times. Regardless of our ideals and our impression of Jews I was dealing with people. A lot of my colleagues had no such reservations and gladly enacted our orders without any consideration but I became depressed at times. I admitted that alcohol helped me achieve a happy and contented frame of mind but there was no question of me neglecting my duties though over-indulgence. I was always completely fresh and ready for work. I was determined to succeed in my career and I reminded Leni of my reasons for doing so. When they returned to Berlin I set about with a renewed vigour to impress my superiors more. I gladly worked longer. I accepted difficult cases and pursued them to conclusion. I became more optimistic. However, everything changed on the morning of the 27th May 1942 when Obergruppenführer Heydrich, the Reich Head of Security was shot on his way to work. He died eight days later. The reaction was immediate and brutal. The Fuhrer became personally involved and demanded a swift and bloody response. We received a report that two villages, Liditz and Lezaky were connected to the shooting. I was ordered to attend at Liditz. When I arrived every man over the age of fifteen had been rounded up and taken to a local farm. Bed mattresses were assembled against a wall in a yard. Then the shooting commenced, at first in groups of five but the SiPo chief in charge of the operation, Horst Böhme decided it was going to take all day with groups of five and increased the group size to ten. I really didn’t know why I was there and the shootings affected me so much that shortly after they began I vomited violently. Böhme was disgusted. He suggested that I shoot the next group. I was appalled. “You haven’t seen any action?” he asked me. I shook my head. “Only during Kristallnacht”, I replied. He laughed. “Kicking a few helpless Jews isn’t action. This is!” He snapped my revolver from its holster and handed it to me. I stood for a moment completely frozen with fear. I watched the group being assembled, men and boys of all ages looking confused and terrified. “Off you go!” Böhme ordered. I stepped forward and slowly raised the gun but instead of shooting I ran out of the yard and was once more violently sick. Böhme followed me. “What are you doing here? You’re a fucking disgrace. Now take yourself off to the schoolhouse and look after the women and children.”